Mom Reflections (applicable to all)

Being a mom has probably been the greatest privilege in my life. The photo I’ve attached to this post is of my three children and myself taken back in 2018. I guess I don’t have many recent pictures of just us. There are so many others now, including my three wonderful step-children and all grandchildren with whom I’ve been blessed. Experiencing Mother’s Day as an empty nester and grandmother is very different than how it was as a busy young mom. It seems a popular gift for mothers of littles today is time alone. Haha. Totally makes sense. Of course, often the best gift for moms in my stage of life is just the opposite. I want all my kids and grandkids around me! It is rarely possible, but even hearing their voices or having a video chat makes the day feel more complete.

I don’t have too many regrets about how I mothered my children, but sometimes I wish I could just go back and do it over–do it better. (Why is that song by Cher coming to mind? “If I could turn back time…” I’m not even a fan of Cher.) Some things are rather minor in the grand scheme of things, like I should have expected them to do their own laundry and teach them to do more in the kitchen. I thought I was saving on energy and water usage by combining our laundry and I just thoughtlessly did my thing in the kitchen and rarely considered the importance of inviting the kids to join. It seems foolish on my part as I look back. My poor kids had to learn pretty quickly once they left home.

I have a better perspective on life now and a better understanding of what is important. I wish I could go back and do it all again with the wisdom and understanding I have gained. What seemed like interruptions then I now see as invitations. What we couldn’t afford to do then I now feel I can’t afford NOT to do. I’ve become wiser with age and my walk with the Lord is stronger, so now I wish I could go back and disciple my children better. I regularly prayed over and for my children, but if I did it again I would more intentionally teach them how to pray–really pray with deep faith and humility to a big God who knows us better than anyone and cares about all the little details in our lives. We spoke often about our faith, but I’d ask them more questions. I’d invite more of their questions. I led a Bible devotion with them often, but I would teach them to lead. I read to them a lot when they were little, but I would read more chapter books with them–even into their pre-teen and early teen years. If I were to do it again, we’d have more game nights. We’d talk more about the shows and movies they watch. I’d do more one-on-one dates. (I don’t know if I really ever did that with my daughters. They are twins and I think I just treated them equally and we did “girl” things together.) Wow–I should probably stop because I’m starting to feel like a failure.

I know I did some things right. I prayed and cried out to the Lord on behalf of my children with deep passion on a daily basis. I still do. I prayed for their future spouses and now smile at who God brought into their lives. I tucked them in bed until the years came when they were staying out past my bedtime and then they would come quietly to my bedside to let me know they had returned safely home. I loved the bedside chats and the car conversations. I was honest with them and apologized when I screwed up. We hosted many events in our home so that I could know their friends. I joined forces with them when they needed creative ideas for completing school projects. I chaperoned field trips and mission trips. We camped together. We did yard work together. We went on some great vacations together. I taught them to make their beds when they were three and they were expected to continue making them each morning. I fed them healthy meals, limited their TV viewing (the only screen time we had to deal with back then), and made sure they brushed and flossed each night.

In some ways I feel like grandparenting is an opportunity for do-overs and do-agains. I can’t go back and change anything I may or may not have done as a young parent, but I can ask God to give me opportunities to influence the next generation. And the most important thing I can do is pray. My prayers continue with fervency for my children and now my grandchildren. I pray that they will all grow to be passionate followers of Jesus. I pray that the devoted Christian heritage of which I am an heir will continue for generations to come. I try to be an example worth following to my kids and grandkids. I will always love deeply and welcome them into what I hope is the Spirit-filled presence of my home and life. I will share Jesus whenever I can.

You may not be a mom reading this. You may not even be a woman. (Thanks for reading anyway!) But something I know about all of us is that it is easy to look back at things we’ve attempted to do well in the past and wishing we could have done it better. Or done it differently. Let’s recognize this for what it is. Those regrets don’t come from our gracious Father God. They are straight from the enemy. I am in agreement with the apostle Paul when he wrote in Philippians 3:12-14, “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”

Press on, Brothers and Sisters. No looking back!