Transition Turmoil

Retirement has not been what I expected. I thought that I’d be kicking my heels and whooping it up after I retired from 31 years of teaching. Not because I hated it–I actually loved what I did. I just thought it would be more exciting to enter the next phase of life. The problem is I don’t know what the next phase is. I thought I was prepared. I had a part time job lined up and had a couple of regularly scheduled grandkid times on the calendar. I had my to-do list of projects to complete and numerous friends to start meeting for coffee. I’m actually very busy. In fact, busier than I’d like to be. I feel like I’m running around in circles and making little progress. A conversation with a friend enlightened me a bit today. She said that transitions often bring on a time of grieving. Hmmm. Yes. That’s it. I’m experiencing a major transition in life and before I can proceed I think I need to spend time grieving the loss of my life as I knew it. In one of my early blog posts I shared my struggle with identity because of my recent retirement. This is different. I do know who I am but I’m a little lost as far as what I’m doing. Perhaps you are in a time of transition as well. It may not be retirement, but a change in your life that you may or may not have chosen that is leaving you with many questions.

It’s funny that the word “transition” also makes me think of the difficulty transitions are for students and teachers in the classroom setting. Transitioning from one activity to the next, or one place to another, is when most behavior problems would break out. The transitions are what teachers must prepare for and establish routines for and for which they should have an arsenal of tricks on the ready. Anytime we don’t exactly know what is next, chaos can ensue. I’m feeling a little bit of that. As a follower of Jesus Christ, I deeply desire to do His will. But what exactly is it? Perhaps I need to slow down, allow the grieving to pass and and keep praying about next steps.

I have been seeking the Lord regarding this daily. With my new schedule I have been able to spend more time reading my Bible and praying, which is definitely a huge benefit of retirement. When I consider what God’s will is for me, I keep coming back to a few Scripture passages. “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (I Thessalonians 5:16) Regardless of anything else I do, this is the overarching theme of what my life should be. Despite my circumstances, I can maintain a sense of joy because of who I am in Christ Jesus and because of all He’s done for me. It is God’s will that I maintain such a close relationship with Him that I can breathe a prayer at any moment. I can do it often for anything that comes to mind. Lastly, I am to be thankful–for everything and in everything. Gratitude fosters insight and perspective. There is also this promise which I cling to: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5) This is what I have been doing almost daily–asking for wisdom. And what I have discovered is that the wisdom I seek probably will not come to me in a sudden flood of confident revelation. It has been a gradual sensing of the direction the Lord wants me to go. Some of it has involved surrendering my will and my plans to Him. I’m a goal-setting, list-making, project-completing kind of gal who likes to dream and make plans. But I also know that I need to “trust in the Lord with all (my) heart and lean not on (my) own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) As much as I’d like to figure out the plan for the rest of my life, God’s Word tells me to not worry about tomorrow because each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34) Isn’t that true!

The good news is that over that past few months I am beginning to see more clearly how God would have me spend my days. The Holy Spirit has been speaking to me and I’ve discovered some things I will likely give up. I know that if I am seeking Him consistently and with a pure heart, I can feel confident proceeding for the time being with things that bring me joy and fulfillment. And those things that leave me feeling empty or cause an unsettled feeling in my spirit are perhaps not the direction to go. I will proceed prayerfully, patiently and persistently. I know my gracious God will lead me through this transition to a solid new routine and purpose in my life. And I’m learning a lot so I’ll be more prepared for the next transition. And the one after that… So if you, too, are facing some transition in life, join me in faithfully pursuing a relationship with Jesus that grows deeper and richer and more meaningful with each passing day. That relationship will shed enough light on the path ahead for us to at least take the initial steps. The rest will be revealed when it’s time.