Meaning From a Meltdown
I had a meltdown this week. It’s been a while since I had one, so that’s good. I used to joke that I schedule them quarterly. It would happen during my teaching years when all the pressure from my job, along with household responsibilities and my desire to be more involved with ministry and family just overwhelmed me and I’d lose it. My poor husband would witness an episode of emotional weakness that likely had him wondering if it was time to call a professional. But after a good cleansing cry, I’m always fine. I’m hoping a number of you readers can relate and it’s not just me. I hadn’t really had a meltdown since retiring from teaching. But it happened.
We had the HVAC ducts cleaned in our house this week. It went fine, or so I thought, but after getting pretty chilled late that evening and realizing the next morning that our furnace was not working at all, I contacted the company to explain the situation. We have a brand new furnace, so I knew that wasn’t the problem. The gentleman came and spent quite a bit of time trying to get things working again, but to no avail and he ended up placing blame on something that had been erroneously set up during the installation of the new unit. So I contacted the furnace installer. He came out and fixed the problem, placing the blame on the duct cleaners who had short-circuited two low voltage wires and blew a fuse. I had already paid for the duct cleaning. Now I had to pay for the furnace repair. I contacted the cleaning service again and this began a back and forth blame game with me in the middle. And…I lost it. I can’t even remember if I actually cried on the phone with one of them or if I was just whiney. Now if you are anxious to hear the end of the story, all is well. The gentleman from the duct cleaning service was actually very kind and just wanted me to be happy, so he reimbursed me for the furnace repair. This issue took an entire half day to be resolved. I had other plans. It was just too much.
As I often do, I pondered this situation and my response to it. Are meltdowns a sin? I don’t really think so. Certainly, many Psalmists had meltdowns. “For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.” (Psalm 109:22) “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1) “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?” (Psalm 22:1) Moses was definitely there when the burden of leading God’s people became too much for him and he tells God, “I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, put me to death right now…” (Numbers 11:14-15a)
We are made in the image of God, complete with emotions. God has emotions. His son Jesus Christ experienced emotions as a human like us. The key, of course, is what we do with them. I don’t think my crying or whining is even a sin, except that perhaps it should be more directed to God and not my husband. Or the furnace repairman. I need to start looking at these moments as times to practice those fruits of the Spirit which come so easily when life is smooth sailing. I know sometimes I’ve become angry and short with people during these times of frustration. I’ve come to realize that I am most vulnerable to sinful reactions when I am on the phone with a person I don’t know and cannot see. You know…those “customer service” calls that seem more like “customer torture” calls. I’m going to keep working on this. My responsibility to be a light for Christ Jesus doesn’t stop in these situations. I’m not called to be a doormat or be taken advantage of, but I am called to be kind and loving–even to my enemies! (Matthew 5:43-44)
I noted some scriptures above that speak of times of weakness and wanting to give up. Real meltdowns. Yet, in each of these examples, and multitudes more, God is loving and just and good in the end. He always is. Let’s all navigate even the most difficult situations and our moments of weakness with this in mind. He is our Rock. Let’s keep crawling into the cleft of that Rock for safety and peace.
“As for God, his way is perfect, the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God?” (Psalm 18:30-31)
