Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Have you ever noticed how quickly and easily little kids make friends? They can go from complete strangers to besties within a minute. Here’s the conversation: “Wanna be my friend?” “OK!” “Let’s play!” (Followed by screams of delight and aimless running around, chasing one another amid giggles.) After witnessing the scene, the adult may later ask one of them what their new friend’s name is and, of course, they have no idea. Oh, if only we were so carefree and easy-going about new relationships. We tend to make assumptions about people we don’t know, prejudging their character or assuming they wouldn’t be interested in us. Or we are just plain nervous about approaching new people. Or, worse yet, we don’t even notice others because we are so entrenched in our own lives and in the circles we know. I think we can do better.

My husband and I have belonged to a small gym near our home for many years now. Of course, the main reason for going there is to try to stay active and keep in shape. But over the years it has become a place where I know many people and I’ve even made some close friends. It is at this gym that I have been working on the art of friendship-making. Do you ever go somewhere on a regular basis where you see some of the same people every time but you have never talked? It starts to feel really awkward. Like you should know each other by now, but there’s this weird silence that has never been broken. Well, I started breaking that silence at the gym. I always smile and greet people–if they will look at me. But if I start seeing the same person repeatedly, I’ve decided it’s time to say something. So when my silent workout partner is between machines I casually walk over and say something like, “Hey, I see you here all the time but I don’t believe we’ve ever met. I’m Laurie…” And the conversation continues–assuming the person is willing to remove his or her earbuds. 🙂 Very rarely these conversations may end oddly because the person obviously isn’t interested in socializing during a workout. No problem. At least now I know. But many times I’ve made great connections with people and the conversations continue each time we see each other. I’ve made some friends at the gym who are now my friends outside the gym. We’ve met for coffee or I’ve had them over to my house. (I’m sure they are always shocked to see me outside of workout time when I’m not sweating and am actually clean with my hair and makeup done. Some have perhaps not recognized me for a moment!)

I will share a specific story that happened recently. There is an older gentleman who has come to the gym for as long as I can remember. He must be a former weight lifting pro or something given the weights he lifts, even though he is now bent over from some malady. Well, this gentleman always looks very grumpy. When he enters, he looks at no one. I’ve heard him speak briefly to one person, but other than that I’ve only heard him make a few grumbling remarks about people who don’t put the weights where they belong. I hear people talk about him when he’s not there. I think we are all scared of him. One day several weeks ago everyone had left the gym except for him and me. Now I could have just gone about my business and left, but I felt that Holy Spirit nudge and looked up to see that he was resting between machines. So I did it. I went over and said my opening lines. Well, who knew? Michael smiled such a sweet smile and told me about his wife and grandkids and that he goes to three different gyms because each one has something different to offer. It was a pleasant conversation. I have seen Michael since then and he has looked his grumpy old self. I don’t know his whole story. But I know I can share a little love with him just by saying hi.

It’s been really rewarding to step outside my comfort zone to test the waters of new relationships. I think we are called to do that. If Jesus were a member at my gym, I’m pretty sure he’d be friends with everyone. (And I bet he could impress everyone by performing some awesome weight lifting miracles!) I encourage all of us to just start noticing people–especially those people that seem to be repeatedly showing up in our lives. Perhaps we are there with them for a reason. Just don’t ask them to play right away. That’s just weird…unless you’re a little kid.

“Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people…” (Galatians 6:10)