Sixty and Counting

I turned sixty this past week. I am one of the babies of the baby boomer generation. I don’t get too hung up on numbers and aging doesn’t really bother me, although I must say it’s a weird thing to be starting my seventh decade of life. The very soul of me still feels all the feels of a sixteen year old and my mind seems to think I can do everything I always have done. But then my body reminds me that life is a slow decline. God has blessed me with good health and I try to stay active and maintain a healthy lifestyle. But let’s not kid ourselves. It is only by the grace of God that any of us live our lives and are given the gift of time. Time. It’s such an abstract concept. It’s really invented by humans to help us wrap our brains around the passing of life. God is not bound by any human timeline. Peter reminds us of that in 2 Peter 3:8 where he says, “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” As I muse about my life these sixty years I start to kind of feel that way. I remember things from years ago as if they were yesterday. I recall most vividly those events that had high emotional impact: my mom bathing a baby brother, a rare sleepover at my grandparents’ farm, my dad giving me a ride on his shoulders before I left for a high school band trip, the ultrasound that revealed I was carrying twins, events that led to my failed first marriage, holding my son on my lap one of those last times, the dessert with an engagement ring nestled on top when Terry proposed, the disastrous but now funny camping trip with all the kids when the campsite flooded, the serious vehicle accident that injured many of our kids, the surprise party for my 50th, and more recently, the last day of my teaching career. Of course I could make this post pages longer and bore you all to tears, but those are the things that currently pop into my brain.

For those of you in my similar age bracket, do you ever feel like you’ve lived a series of mini-lives? Facebook reminds me of that. I’ve reconnected with people from some of those past lives, sometimes with the great discovery that we now share a common faith in Jesus! There is the elementary through high school life, followed by the college life. I’ve lived an early marriage life that was connected to a specific church, followed by a young parenting life that was connected to a different one. Following my divorce I began a different life that included some people who God brought around me for my specific needs at that time. Then my current life gradually began and has continued to morph, all intermingled with various groups of school colleagues in my work lives. With each of these phases of life I have been part of a different circle of friends. Some friendships have lasted, but many have faded. I don’t really think that’s because they were weak relationships. I just think God brings people into our lives for specific purposes and at different times. But it sure makes me think. Who has he placed in my life right now? Who is in my sphere of influence who may not be a few years from now? Why has God put me where I am? What is my current purpose? Have I shared Jesus with those around me in some way?

I’ve shared before that I tend to be a pretty sentimental person. This carries over into my relationships. Sometimes I look back at past friendships with a longing to pick them up again, to reconnect or attempt to rekindle them. Or perhaps I’m just curious to know how and where they are in life. But the Lord gently reminds me that “For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) God is fully aware of these “mini-lives” that I’ve lived and He knows what lies ahead. He has graciously held me in His hands, comforted and protected me along the way. I know that He has ordained my every step and that nothing has surprised Him. Sometimes I wonder how much time I have left. None of us really knows, right? What will be my legacy? How will others remember me? Have I done enough? Lord Jesus, these thoughts can be overwhelming. Thank you for reminding me that I should not worry about tomorrow (Matthew 6:33) and that my times are in your hands (Psalm 31:15).

Thanks for bearing with me as I ponder my own life. This 60th birthday has been a time of reflection and thanksgiving. I’m grateful for what has been–the good, bad, ugly and beautiful–and I’m looking ahead with anticipation. I’m thankful for what God has brought me through, what He’s brought me to, and where He’s yet to lead me. He is so good. I pray for a healthy mind and body, a quick wit, Godly wisdom and discernment and that I can have an impact on the world around me–especially by being the prayer warrior I seek to be. Here’s to the next sixty years! (Well, maybe not…)