Martha Meets Mary (Bob Meets Barry?)

OK…That’s a really lame title, but I want guys to know that this writing can apply to them as well.

I’ve been told that I have the gift of hospitality. I guess I do. But I think I used to associate that with being a Martha (from the Bible–not Martha Stewart) and almost saw it as a negative. If you are not familiar with the Biblical account I will briefly describe it. Sisters Mary and Martha are visited by their beloved friend and Rabbi Jesus one day. Martha is super busy preparing the meal and setting everything up to be a lovely time together while Mary just ditches the work and goes to hang out with Jesus. Martha gets pretty annoyed and finally says something about it, but Jesus just reminds her that Mary has chosen the better thing to do. Did Martha have the gift of hospitality? I would say she did in one respect. Did Mary lack hospitality? Absolutely not. I believe these two ladies represent two aspects of hospitality and my desire is to master both.

The holiday season is a favorite for me, partially because it gives me an opportunity to host in our thoughtfully decorated home, set a beautifully adorned table and prepare delicious food for guests. I completely enjoy the preparation, spending time considering what new napkin fold I can create or how to spice up my centerpiece, unearthing the nice dishes and stemware and planning adequate and comfortable seating for everyone. I carefully plan out the timing of the meal prep so everything is done on schedule but not too early. By the time guests arrive, all of the serving dishes are at the ready with serving utensils next to them, coffee is brewing and appetizers and beverages are available. This is the Martha side of me. I continue in that mode as people are arriving, taking coats and offering slippers. My husband helps out with that part as well. And throughout the entire time, I am watching to be sure everyone has what they need and is comfortable. I enjoy seeing people enjoy themselves in my home. I love hearing laughter and conversation among those who have gathered. Sometimes I don’t even participate but bask in the warm glow of fellowship and a feeling of gratitude. And Mary emerges. I enjoy my people.

Jesus wasn’t telling Martha that she was wasting her time with the preparations. But he had arrived. Time to shift the attention. If we stop to think about this situation, I’m certain this was not a dinner invitation for a specific date and time. Jesus likely arrived unannounced. He didn’t text Mary and Martha beforehand and let them know his ETA. Of course there was a meal to prepare. I don’t blame Martha for being annoyed. But she was caught up in the “tyranny of the urgent” rather than seeing what was most important. I’ve been in that place before.

When I do personality inventories I am always intrigued at how God put me together. I am very task-oriented and driven, but relationships are extremely important to me. I recall, during my days of teaching, the internal struggle I would have during my valuable prep times when a colleague would stop by my room. I had things to do! But I really wanted to chat with my friend! I eventually found a way to solve this dilemma. I developed a personal slogan that I tell myself in these situations: “People over Projects”. This simple phrase has helped me overcome my “Martha complex” and allowed me to relax and let some things go when it’s time to be Mary.

When we have guests in our home now, I try to remember to pray over my home and for our time together before they arrive. As is typical, everyone gathers in the kitchen area. So I’ve learned to slow down my tasks and just laugh and visit right along with everyone else while I continue working. I accept others’ help and have learned that it’s OK if they don’t do it just like I was going to do it. For me, true hospitality has become a balancing act between the Martha and the Mary in me.

The issue of hospitality aside, I hope we do not lose sight of the bigger lesson in this true story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha. Spending time at the feet of Jesus is ALWAYS the most important thing each and every day. In that respect, Mary had indeed chosen the better thing. Spending time with Jesus has helped me to rightly order how I utilize my God-given gift of hospitality.

Now back to my lame title. I really didn’t want this to be only about women. Men have the same tendencies in different areas of life. We are called to do our work well and work hard at it. But we are also called to love people. If you struggle at all with this “Martha/Mary (Bob/Barry) syndrome” like I do, I give you permission to borrow my slogan: “People over Projects”.

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4)